The Hugog

Maybe banking on a winner

2006-11-05T18:20:00.000-08:00

By Hardluck Harry,
Former Crikey racing analyst*

Picking the Melbourne Cup winner is easy. Just take your formguide and run a line through the 18 horses that can't win.

Then take a box trifecta with the rest.

Picking the past three winners has been easier than usual - the Mighty Mare Makybe Diva picked herself, and the great odds on offer in 2003-05 were like robbing the bookies.

This year, the six horse who can win select themselves. They are, in order:

No 23 Maybe Better,
No 4 Tawqeet (or Torquay, as Bruce MacAveney insists on calling him. What is this, a thoroughbred or a beach house?)
No 24 Efficient
No 12 Pop Rock
No 13 Zipping
No 1 Yeats

All the rest are running for second place.

The Brian Mayfield-Smith four year-old Maybe Better showed with his past two slashing victories that he is ready to win the Cup. Maybe Better ticks all the boxes. He is:

*A lightweight horse who's beaten the handicapper and is coming into the race in great form;
*Drawn barrier three
*Trained by a master who won't run him unless he's 100% happy with him;
*Unlike the foreign raiders, we *know* he's in form and not backing up from a hard Caulfield Cup run like the Japanese raiders, or a 3-month spell like the Europeans;
*Drops a massive seven kilos from his impressive SAAB Quality win on Saturday;

And most importantly: he has great *tactical speed*.

The Cup is now a quality handicap. No longer can you just front up with a two-mile grinders and hope to outstay them all.

A Cup winner now has to have both stamina and speed.

Go onto the Net and check out Maybe Better's Coongy Handicap win at Caulfied three weeks ago. It was awesome. He came from near last and had them beaten in a flash.
He went past that highly-rated Kiwi King of Ashford like he was standing still.

Which is why I also rate Lloyd Williams' 3 y-o, Efficient, the best Derby winner in the past 20 years. A galloper with a paralysing burst of speed at the end; he will be gobbling up the leaders at the clock tower, with 49kg on his back. He drops 6.5 kilos tomorrow from his effortless Derby win on Saturday.

If he gets a cheap run form his great barrier, he can nearly win.

The Times Tell All:

My raceday clocker, Maurice the Magician, tells me that on Saturday, Maybe Better ran the 2500m three seconds faster than Efficent in the Derby. But Efficient, with a slower overall time, ran home faster in all sectionals except one - so it's hard to separate the two.

OUTSIDERS:
You are just about guaranteed to get an outsider running a placing. My longshot outsiders are:

*The lightly raced European horse Glistening;
*The two Kiwi horses No 16 Kerry O'Reilly and No 21 Mandela - both ran slashing Cup trials last week in the Geelong Cup;
*The second Japanese horse, No 2 Delta Blues
*And Lloyd William's third horse, No 8 Activation.
Lloyd's a battler - a bit short of a buck - and wouldn't it be lovely if he cornered the market and got himself the Cup trifecta?

Not.

History says that Lloyd's Derby winner Efficient can't win - but he looks very mature and runs on easily.

He will run well - but he won't beat the winner.

And the final plank in the Maybe Better chain of evidence?

The past four Cup winners have had two names, and started with the letter 'M'...

2002: Media Puzzle
2003: Makybe Diva
2004: Makybe Diva
2005: Makybe Diva
2006: Maybe Better.

It just fits!

HUGO SAYS:
*Wow, that's quite a comprehensive analysis there from Hardluck, who was sacked by pleasant-but-conservative new Crikey owner Eric Beecher in February for "putting noses out of joint" in the Federal Parliament. Good luck tomorrow!

Aussie soldiers in massive Iraq ambush

2006-09-27T03:03:00.000-07:00

Sasha Uzunov reports:

Australian soldiers from the Townsville unit 2RAR have killed up to 20 Iraqi insurgents after they were forced to fight their way out of an ambush with up to 150 insurgents yesterday. Soldiers from Alpha Company 2RAR are callling it the biggest shoot-out since Vietnam.

No Australians suffered casualties. Australian soldiers were on a routine patrol, north of their base Camp Smithy, in a town called Samawah. Soldiers were travelling in three Bushmaster vehicles when they were fired upon by RPG (Rocket Propelled Grenades).

One participant said that he saw hundreds of bullet rounds flying past him. "One Sergeant was being fired at and miracalously the bullets kept landing at his feet," the soldier said. "Another soldier was hit by an RPG round and we fought he was killed but luckily the RPG round hit a mud wall which absorbed the impact."

2RAR soldiers contacted me to tell their side of the story in case it was ignored and highlight inadequate equipment. Soldiers complained that the Bushmaster vehicles did not have adequate armour. The insurgents are believed to have numbered at least 150, 20 od whom were killed.

One soldier said he managed to look inside a building where the shots were coming from. "I saw at least a hundred or so bad guys inside and it was like a Christmas tree, with so much lights and flashes from the Kalashnikov rifles and RPGs going off."

United States Air Force jets F16s were called to provide bombing runs on the insurgents but were called off by Australian commanders on the spot for fear of Australian soldiers being too close. The ambush was intense and lasted about 20 minutes with the Australians withdrawing safely back to base.

The insurgents were well armed and well trained and they had well prepapred defensive positions when they ambushed the Australians near a swamp and raliway track. There were many Iraqi civilians near the place of combat but the Australians were disciplined and held their fire.

Copyright 2006, Sasha Uzunov

Sasha Uzunov is a freelance photo journalist and former Australian soldier.

Ezequiel Trumper for PM

2006-09-21T00:04:00.000-07:00

I've found a man who can represent us all – he carries the delightful name Ezequiel Trumper, and he speaks with passion about the issues that should unite us all. Check out his brilliant analysis of the Howard-Beazley "Aussies values debate" in New Matilda today.

You'll need to subscribe, but it's worth the $88. Trumper co-hosts a daily news and current affairs show on Australia's only 24/7 Spanish-speaking radio station. It's called Radio Austral and it has a largely working-class audience across Sydney – and the voices on his show are far removed from the Alan Jones' "struggle street" audience.

Hours after Federal Andrew Robb released his Citizenship Testing Discussion Paper, he invited his audience to respond. Here's a taste:

So now they want me to sit a test in English. They didn't give a damn about my English when they brought me here in the 1970s. I was brought here to clean their toilets, wipe off their s**t, and now they want me to sit a bloody test...I can tell you where they can shove their test and their values...

And:

This is not the Australia that I knew. This is not the Australia I fell in love with. I fell in love with a country which showed solidarity, compassion, understanding...Now this is neofascism. I saw this before in Chile. Pinochet was born ahead of his time.

And:

Values? What Australian values? The values of what? Beer? What is so Australian about democracy? About respect for the law? I know more about democracy and the law than they do — I actually had to FIGHT for those values. And they have the gall to pretend that we should learn from them about their 'values'? About compassion? How can these people preach 'compassion' when they showed none in the past...look at what they did to the Aborigines, look at what they did to the refugees...What values are they talking about?

Trumper's analysis of the "Australian values" debate is a pearler. What's more, his name is redolant of what helped make Australia unique.

Ezequiel Trumper; a combination of the Biblical flood of immigrants who built our nation and rescued it from white picket fence suburbia - and the cricketer who embodied the notion of grace and fair play on the field.

A true multicultural Aussie, he was born in Argentina, and is a dual New Zealand and Australian citizen. To make things more confusing for everybody, he is also Jewish. Now, Ezequiel, if you only had some Koorie heritage, you'd be the complete Aussie and it’d be compulsory to elect you to parliament.

Together with pieces on the same subject by Emma Dawson and another expose by dashing SBS correspondent John Martinkus on the truth behind the East Timor coup, the latest New Matilda makes great reading.

Anwar Ibrahim: building bridges

2006-07-22T17:53:00.000-07:00

“I like my politicians with a dose of humour,” explains John Button as he sits down next to us to hear former Malaysian Deputy PM, Anwar Ibrahim, lecture us on democracy at Melbourne University.

The laughter lines around former Senator Button’s familiar face remind us that he’s one of those rare politicians with brains and a hearty sense of the absurd. How badly we need his like in the parliament - but it’s hard to see a “gentleman politician” like Button, or Fred Daly or John Gorton getting elected in a 21st century political landscape flattened by party drones, pollsters and Howard apparatchiks.

Still, it’s a good enough reason to be here on a cold Friday night to listen to the man thrown into jail for six years by a recalcitrant Mahatir Mohamad, and who now is being touted as either a future Malaysian PM or the next UN Secretary-General, depending whose blog you believe.

Anwar Ibrahim is here to speak on ‘Islam and Democracy’ – and he starts by gently mocking his hosts at the University for a little latent Islamophobia: “I wonder if we’d all be turning up to attend a forum entitled ‘Christianity and Democracy?’, or ‘Judaism and Democracy?’” he ponders. “Unlikely.”

He reminds us that Turkey and Indonesia are two Islamic countries whose democracies have yet to be taken over by the fundamentalists. His message: There is enough wriggle room in Islamic practice to allow for the fundamental cornerstones of democracy, institutions like protection of liberty and freedom of the press.

Anwar’s theme; the qualities of humility, tolerance and sensitivity are needed as never before if we are to raise above the sloganeering and jaundice our political age. And Anwar has had plenty of practice in the politics of walking on eggshells in a multiethnic Islamic state with a history of religious and political unrest.

After a wide-ranging address, it’s time for questions: a Malaysian student wants to know what he’d do about Christian missionaries converting Muslims. It’s a hot topic back home. “I don’t want to sound like a politician…” begins Anwar, launching into a non-answer, albeit an elegant one. The thrust; while he acknowledges Malaysia as an Islamic state, he believes in freedom of religious expression. But as to “reports of Chrisitian missionaries proselytizing…and seeking to use financial incentives to convert Muslims” – that’s another matter.

Anwar carefully manages to walk both sides of the street, but the headscarfed student is unimpressed. She wants stronger words, but doesn’t get them. “Is it important to win the argument, or win the battle?” he asks, seeking patience. “I’d say, it’s to win the battle, and the war.”

Or as that old scandal-sheet publisher, HL Mencken, put it: “We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.”

An old foe, Mahatir Mohamad, has been in the news lately, attacking his successor, Abdullah Badawi. The nominal issue is PM Badawi’s decision to scrap Mahatir’s mad plan to build a bridge between Singapore and Malaysia, but the power struggle runs deeper. Anwar’s solution is elegant: “Maybe a bridge half-way across might please everybody.” As to the noisy re-emergence of Mahatir as his protégé Badawi’s greatest critic: “I am a democrat. I say, let him speak. The more he does, the better for us.”

We wanted to ask this question: “How can your weapons of humility, tolerance and sensitivity challenge the prevailing political tool: fear?” But the man’s popular, and we didn’t get a chance.

Still, his answer to our favourite question came close. Our questioner stated: “I’ve been trying to do the right thing as a practising Muslim. I educate my children at the local school, and on the weekend they go to religious class. I participate in our democracy - the problem at the moment is that democracy is sold as the solution, but in practice it’s far from perfect. How do we resolve this dilemma?”

His response: Hang in there. Muslims need to engage with the wider community - and that means with mainstream Australia, with those radicals seeking to distort the faith for their own means, and with hard-line conservatives who seek to isolate Muslims for their own political agenda; fewer ghettoes, more tolerance.

That’s no half-way bridge. As Mencken observed: “Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule - and both commonly succeed, and are right...”

Will the war flush out Mokbel?

2006-07-20T05:36:00.000-07:00

The chaos that is Lebanon may be about to throw up another unintended victim.
Australian drug lord Tony Mokbel, who is believed to be in hiding in Lebanon, may be trying to leave that country, speculates defence writer Sasha Uzunov.

"The Australian government, in particular the Foreign Minister Alexander Downer, should request Israeli help to snatch and grab Mokbel. Israeli Commandos or the intelligence service The Mossad are excellent at doing these kind of operations."

"Or better still why not send in the Australian SAS to do the job. Effective government control in Lebanon has ceased, why not use the Israeli's expertise on the ground?"

Excellent questions. Wouldn't it be ironic if the Israelis did what the might of Australia's police forces failed to do and captured the cunning crim on the run. Still, they'd be happy if he came back to face the music - not to mention his sister-in-law, left holding the million-dollar bail posting.

Lord Downer the diplomat

2006-07-13T00:00:00.000-07:00

SBS correspondent John Martinkus stands out from the herd for his coverage of the East Timor crisis - his recent pieces for NewMatilda and the SMH shed light on the murky background of events that saw last week's removal of PM Marí Alkatiri.

But if this was a very Australian coup, our Foreign Minister, Alexander Downer, hasn't been following the script. In a recent private conversation with East Timor's new Prime Minister, Jose Ramos Horta, Downer told Horta that "the Timorese are little people who needed to grow up..." Downer's haughty comments were relayed to Timor watcher, freelance journalist Sasha Uzunov, who writes:

"There's no real love between Downer and Ramos Horta, despite the media reports about a close working relationship. Downer, according to my sources, read Ramos Horta the riot act and played the part of the bully. The Nobel Peace Prize winner Ramos Horta is cleverly playing the role of submissive in an attempt to manipulate Downer. Not a good start to a close working relationship."

God and mammon

2006-06-27T21:54:00.000-07:00

The usual suspects have latched onto Rupert Murdoch's declaration this week that that we must be careful of 1.2 billion Muslims in every nation on earth because their faith "supercedes any sense of nationalism wherever they go."

Where to start? Let's begin by quoting that dangerous reactionary tract of the Christian religion, the Bible: "Render unto Cæsar what is Cæsar's, and render unto God what is God's." That was Jesus talking.

While some declare this a clarion call for the seperation of church and state, surely Christians would ask: if we rendered unto God all the things that belong to God, there would be nothing left for Cæsar.

Food for thought when powerful media moguls whose own influence sweeps across the continents start taking swipes at religion. And let's not get started about Matthew: "No one can serve two masters...You cannot serve God and mammon."

Coonan plugs the porn dam

2006-06-21T18:10:00.000-07:00

John Griffiths' online news service, The Concat, has the best analysis today of the Government's plans to save us from Innernet porn.

He writes:

Commonications Minister Senator Coonan has released a package of measures intended to keep the kiddies safe on the internet. $93.3 million of that will go on the Government paying for filtering software for parents too cheap to protect their own children.

I look forward to this principle being applied to cars, with the Government paying for safety capsules and whatnot. On this principle can we expect free health care for all the children too?

On the other hand if it's enough to stop the crazies who want Australia to be disconnected from the global internet, for fear of smut addled young minds, then I suppose it's a smallish price to pay.

Check it out here.

Cash-for-pollies scandal

2006-06-20T19:13:00.000-07:00

Check out The SMH today for my Heckler piece on the Press Gallery's innovative fundraising tactics: cash-for-pollies.

The gallery's running a charity online auction as part of its annual Midwinter Ball at Parliament's great hall tonight. The Herald didn't run the link to the auction, so check it out here and place a bid.

Fancy cocktails at the Lodge, followed by a day at the cricket with John Howard? Or a round of golf with Mark Vaile; a hearty dinner with Kim Beazley, maybe, or a walk in the forest with Bob Brown? It could be all yours, courtesy of the gallery and corporate sponsors.

I took a gentle sledge at the notion of journalists organising the social diaries of politicians in my piece, but I hope they raise a motza tonight. Jean Kittson will MC tonight's event, and we trust she'll have the skewers out for guest speakers John Howard and Kim Beazley.

The gallery's choir, the House Howlers, will tackle the politicians' group, the Parliamentary Poets, led by Peter Garrett, in a sing-off - the winner will take all the cudos.

In the lead-up to tonight's event, I'll be setting the scene with Canberra radio 2CCC's Mike Welsh just after the 5.30 news.

Laurie Schwab, soccer visionary

2006-06-19T14:56:00.000-07:00

Sasha Uzunov writes:

In all the hoopla surrounding the rising success of Australian soccer, the media has forgotten the late but great Laurie Schwab, former soccer writer for Melbourne newspaper, The Age, whose life was cut short by cancer ten years ago.

He was a visionary and pasionate in his campaign to raise the profile of Australian soccer. I believe Laurie, the son of German immigrants, should be on par with the late Johnny Warren, former Socceroos captain and SBS TV commentator.

I began my journalism career as a soccer writer in 1985 when Laurie gave me my start on the now defunct but legendary soccer newspaper, Soccer Action (David Syme publications), a member of Fairfax stable of publications. Laurie subsequently took on senior editorial roles in Fairfax suburban newspapers while keeping a firm commitment to soccer.

Laurie would have loved the success of the A league and the performance of the Socceroos. It's through the hard work of people like him that Australian soccer is finally outgrowing its provincial roots and succeeding on the world stage.

On ya bike Osama!

2006-06-07T01:25:00.000-07:00

Independent photojournalist Sasha Uzunov writes:

Not content with making mayhem using car and truck bombs, the Iraqi resistence movement has taken to using peddle power against Western forces. The US and Australian military in Iraq are now concerned at the use of bicycle bombs against its troops and civilians.

I was contacted this week by concerned soldiers serving in Iraq. They heard on the grapevine that I was interviewed by Derryn Hinch on radio 3AW last week about Australian soldiers in Timor being denied the use of their mobile phones. So they have tipped me off about concerns in Iraq.

The fear is that copycat terrorists in Europe, or Australia could also use the bike bomb, capitalising on its apparently innocuous nature. A bike bomb would not be regarded as suspicious if left at railway stations, shopping centres or anywhere else here in Australia, unlike a bag or package.

Soldiers have told me that the explosives are hidden inside the bike pump or water bottle and even in the front night light on the handle bars.

Hugo says: The bike bomb is not an unheard of phenomenon. The Washington Post reports today that a Greek leftist group is claiming responsibility for last month's bicyle bomb attack on Greece's Culture Minister George Voulgarakis. That attack failed. But in Iraq, it can be fairly assumed, the assailants are more determined to wreak havoc.

The Kovco crackdown: Army bans soldier phones

2006-05-31T00:02:00.000-07:00

It seems the paranoia gripping the defence force has reached our forces in Timor. Australian soldiers serving in East Timor have had their mobile phones confiscated by the hierachy in a knee-jerk response to the recent Kovco scandal in Iraq, according to independent defence writer Sasha Uzunov.

On previous missions, soldiers have been permitted to use mobile phones during off-duty hours to contact family back in Australia. But the fear is soldiers will be able to relay information back to relatives if any major incident were to occur in East Timor.

"Several family members of serving personnel have contacted me with their concerns," Sasha told The Hugog today. "They have my trust because I'm a journalist and a former Australian soldier."

But it appears our soldiers serving in the latest regional troublespot do not enjoy the trust of the military. This, of course, is the same defence establishment that managed to screw up just about every aspect of the aftermath of Jake Kovco's death last month.

Instead of confiscating phones from the troops on the ground, maybe the military hierachy should be taking a good look at itself. Or would this be too hard?

Sasha Uzunov is a freelance photo journalist who has worked for the British and Canadian media in the Balkans and Iraq. He has been published in the major Australian newspapers as well as appearing on television and radio providing perspective on defence and security issues.

Costello brings in the cash

2006-05-11T18:52:00.000-07:00

It was a little too early in the day for the meeeja - but this morning's 500 Club Liberal fundraiser breakfast featuring Peter Costello at Melbourne's Crown Palladium ballroom was worth getting up on a frosty winter's morning for.

The Treasurer attracted more than 1000 paying guests, delivering a commanding oration that reeked of ambition.

Former Coles Myer and Fosters boss, and current chairman of the Australian Sports Commision, Peter Bartels, was MC - and he welcomed his friend the Treasurer warmly. As might a man whose organisation was one of the big winners from Tuesday's Budget; the ASC got an extra $55 million.

Founded in 1982, the 500 Club is, in its own words "the largest, most infuential and most successful supporter group of the Liberal Party in Australia." At $1100 a year, membership's for the Top End of town, and the Sports Commission has demonstrated how very astute having a 500 Club leader and friend of the Treausurer at the helm can be.

Lucky guests were given a showbag featuring a selection of Budget documents, a mouse mat and cap and sports socks from property developers Bensons. The event was also a key fundraiser for Costello's local fundraising arm, the Higgins 200 Club, which charges members $300 a year to schmooze with like-minded businesspeople, with this promise: "Of course it isn't possible to place a value on the network of contacts you will make."

200 Club coordinator, Gail Wallman, looked delighted with the turn-up to the event. And the event wasn't solely a Liberal affair: we spotted Law Council president John Cain Jr listening attentively. And Wallman ensured the grassroots were being nurtured carefully, too. Some 100 invited private school students were sprinkled through the crowd, though not a public student was to be seen.

How much did the function raise? Well, Brendan Nelson charged $200+ a head for his Budget night function at Parliament House. At $200 a head, Costello has tipped up to a cool $200,000 into Liberal coffers.

That is the power of incumbency.

Gruesome Twosome:

New Liberal leader Ted Baillieu strolling into the function slapping backs with one John Dorman Elliott. Big Jack is just shameless, swapping banter with Ted and exclaiming: "Jeez, hope it's not bacon and eggs again!" After a wooden and unconvincing start to his job, is it really wise for the Party's Great White Hope to be seen schmoozing with a dodgy businessman like Elliott?

The Concat - a new media perspective

2006-05-10T18:42:00.000-07:00

It's time to welcome a new independent voice to the media scene! The Concatenate is an online news service that updates breaking stories throughout the day and - most importantly - critically analyses who's making news and why.

It's the brainchild of John Griffiths, a longtime Press Gallery denizen and a founder of The Riot Act who's taken his blogging and news gathering skills and put them together (Concatenated them!) to produce a smart and lively service for savvy media consumers.

And it's online now, making its debut with a sterling coverage of this week's Budget. A disclosure: I'm contributing to The Concat because I've seen John in action in his previous role as a news and information manager in the Press Gallery for information broker Capital Monitor - and been impressed by his astute understanding of the political process and the news business.

This country desperately needs fresh and independent sources of news. The Concat is a welcome arrival, and during May you can get a free subscription. Check it out here.

Hiding behind the uniform

2006-05-10T05:54:00.000-07:00

by Sasha Uzunov

Veterans Affairs Minister, Bruce Billson, recently announced appointments to the council of the Australian War Memorial in Canberra. These people are entrusted with safeguarding our national military heritage. One of those named is former newspaperman, Les Carlyon, author of the hugely successful and crituically acclaimed book Gallipoli.

Carlyon, born 1942, is a media legend and an institution. He has been showered with honours and awards as a journalist, author and newspaper editor. Les is quoted in the media as an expert on the Gallipoli campaign and regularly writes on military issues for the Bulletin.

Yet, considering his enthusiasm for the Anzac legend and now his position as official custodian of our the national ethos, it's suprising he never volunteered for military service in Vietnam in the 1960s.

I've emailed him a number of times asking why he did not, but get no response. As a council member of the AMW he owes an explanation to war veterans.

I believe that if you passionately believe in the AZNAC legend then you need to practice what you preach, volunteer and serve in uniform.

In other words, you have to put your money where your mouth is. The ANZAC legend, forged in blood at Gallipoli on 25 April 1915, has become a popular topic for some of our leading authors. The notion of mateship, compassion, and courage under adversity resonates with a younger generation of Australians who are learning about the feats of the Kokoda Track or at Tobruk in World War II or the Battle of Kapyong in Korea or the Battle of Long Tan in Vietnam.

The generation who fought in Vietnam in the 1960s probably had the worst end of the stick. It was a time of questioning, when some of our society began scrutinising and rejecting the very notion of the ANZAC legend.

Ironically, some of the anti-war protestors back then are now staunch Iraq War supporters -- funny how the times change people. The ANZAC legend does not need to be over-eulogised because it can stand on its own. As a journalist who is paid to be sceptical I believe that the ANZAC ethos does exist. I saw it with my own eyes as an Australian infantry soldier serving in East Timor in 2001.

During a patrol on the border with Indonesia, our section came across four suspected militiamen or possibly smugglers. Three ran away and left behind an old man with a machete who was swinging it wildly, probably out of fear rather than in malice. Our forward scout, a young bloke with the surname of L... but whom I will call Dougy, was right next to the old man and under the rules of engagement could have shot and killed him in self-defence.

Instead Dougy wrestled the man to the ground. We were glad that no blood was spilt that day. In fact Dougy's actions made me so proud of him, as I used to think he was very immature and ahot head. We once had a punch up during a game of touch rugby.

You just do not know how men will react under pressure. Our section commander, a NSW Policeman in civilian life, grabbed the man and threw him across the border and told him with the use of body language not to come across the border again. I wonder if that old man is still alive today? If so, he has Dougy to thank.

Hugo says: Sasha Uzunov has reported from the Balkans and Iraq for newspapers in Australia and the UK and served as an Australian soldier in East Timor. While you may disagree with his thesis that serving your country is a pre-requisite for those who want to represent our military history via the War Memorial, there's no doubt his passion about the subject. It's a perspective that deserves an airing.

Death by Foie Gras

2006-05-07T16:46:00.000-07:00

Vale Richard Carleton. The hard-living hack died on the job yesterday, surrounded by his, er, media friends down at the Beaconsfield mine rescue site. At last night's Logies after-party there were commiserations – and wry observations – from those old enough to remember his greatest hits. Which counted out 80% of the crowd.

It was a bitchy TV awards ceremony, so naturally after the tear-jerking official tributes were over, we remembered the Richard Carleton everyone loved to hate.

We recalled his performance in East Timor during the 1999 elections when, fuelled by a gourmet food hamper, he turned up on polling day to do vox pops with frightened locals as they lined up to vote – while armed TNI glared at them. Undeterred, Carleton asked the locals how they were going to vote, oblivious to the potential threat to their safety.

"Vale Richard - death by foie gras," said one ABC type. "We stuff the goose – and the goose stuffs us."

A life lived full, he will be celebrated long and heartily at his funeral later this week.

Living the Logies

2006-05-07T06:52:00.000-07:00

Sunday night, and we're undercover at television's night of nights - The Logies. Rubbing shoulders with The Ennertainment Industry's glitterati is a tough gig, but someone's got to do it. Here are some highlights:

Dial Eddie: 0434 836 585

The Chaser Boys once published John Howard’s home phone number on the front page of their weekly newspaper. Tonight they trumped it by running what appeared to be the private mobile phone number of someone REALLY important – Eddie McGuire. And during the Logies telecast, for the benefit of 2.1 million viewers on Channel Eddie.

There it is, on top of this post. Go on, call him. Maybe you’re upset at the network’s yo-yo scheduling treatment on ‘ER’ on Wednesday nights? Or you want a return for ‘Burke’s Backyard?’ Or you want a job? Go straight to the top.

OK, it looked like a set-up, and probably was. No doubt Eddie set up a fresh number for the boys for the stunt - but it's worth calling just to get through to the voicemail message.

Molly's Meltdown

The Chaser lads were on fire at tonight’s 50th anniversary bash, arriving on the Red Carpet in a trailer labelled "Naomi's Makeup truck."

Their goal: "borrow" as many Logie statuettes as possible.

Not unlike the handsome statuette I've relieved ABC TV's Tim Palmer of (left). He won the silver Logie for best news report for his work in Aceh after the tsunami, and is tipped as a leading candidate to replace Richard Carleton on 60 Minutes.

The Chaser lads also had their eyes on that perennial scavenger hunt favourite, Molly Meldrum’s cowboy hat.

So when Chaser’s Craig Reucassel snatched the hat from an unsuspecting Meldrum as the stars filed from Crown’s Palladium Ballroom a few minutes after John Wood received his Gold Logie, mayhem ensued.

Molly was most unhappy. Unsteady on his feet, he set off in chase of the Chaser. A bemused observer asked: “who’s that bald bloke chasing the fella carrying Molly Meldrum’s hat?”
But it wasn’t Molly who caught the Chaser Craig – it was Molly’s bouncer. The burly brute confiscated the hat and camera, ripping out the tape. Molly was not mollified, giving the Chaser crew the finger and advising them: "Do yourselves a favour - f*ck off!"

Fortunately, the encounter happened early in the evening. Molly lurched off back to the bar for more free booze, while the Chaser team retrieved more film from the Naomi Robson trailer.
We keenly await their Logies special on Friday night.

Logie lie down

Which blonde starlet collapsed in the ladies at the fag end of after party and couldn’t be moved? She was shuffled out the back in a wheelchair as one of her mates observed: “She’s had too much to drink – or something”.

Vizard Reborn

It was very nice of Channel Eddie to give Steve Vizard a gig on last night’s show. The disgraced funnyman-turned-inside trader appeared with Michael Veitch in his old gay flight attendant character.

It pays to have friends in high places. While Eddie gifted him the airtime, Vizard arrived at the Logies accompanied by another influential high-flyer – state Liberal powerbroker Michael Kroger and his wife, Crown marketing queen Anne Peacock.

Jeff – the backdown

2006-05-04T17:55:00.000-07:00

Jeff Kennett has enjoyed his 24 hours of attention, and now he is about to announce he will NOT be standing for the State Liberal leadership.

A Kennett comeback was always the longest of longshots, as we pointed out when we broke the story ten weeks ago for New Matilda.

And a few minutes ago, Kennett's protégé Ted Baillieu announced he was standing for the leadership – snuffing out any chance Jeff had of running.

This afternoon, Jeff will release a statement announcing he will not run for the job.

This despite John Howard going on radio this morning lauding Jeff as the best man for the job: "If he is available, he is overwhelmingly the best person to do it."

It is clear that Jeff has realised, after talking to his wife Felicity, that the obstacles facing a Kennett comeback were insurmountable. As we surmised back then, those barriers were (not exclusively):

*Felicity, has told him she’d leave him if he got into politics again;

*He's just taken over as President of the Hawthorn Football Club (in Melbourne, where football is bigger than politics, this is a high profile job);

*Significant elements of the Liberal Party despise him after his autocratic leadership resulted in the 1999 election loss. They would fight his reinstatement;

*He is recovering from a recent hip replacement and was attacked in a bar owned by his son earlier this month.

The washup? Ted Baillieu emerges as the front-runner for the right to lead the State Liberals to a crushing election loss on 25 November. Albeit faintly damned as only the second-best candidate by the words of the PM this morning.

Jeff's 24-hour splash has unleashed a crowd of demons that echo from his tenure as Premier. The Kennett legacy is still a controversial one. The ghosts have not yet been laid to rest.

And for Jeff Kennett? There's talk of a Federal tilt. And you would have to consider it as very remote a possibility - given the PM's cheeky comments this morning talking up Jeff.

But that was always about making Peter Costello uncomfortable, wasn't it!

Doyle quits - Jeff preens

2006-05-03T18:38:00.000-07:00

Jeff-Jeff-Jeff-Jeff! Does anyone else hear the Jeff Train-a-comin?

Robert Doyle's demise this morning was mercifully brief and understated – but still more like the drowning of a haggard cat than the dignified end of a political career.

So who to take on the seemingly invincible Steve Bracks in the November 26 State Election?

Terry Mulder? Who he? Doyle's recently installed deputy Louise Asher? Or Ted Baillieu? The Planning spokesman's got to overcome the perception he's born to rule, and had been reluctant to challenge in recent months. Because, let's face, it who wants to jump in the State Liberal caboose and lead the train wreck?

And then there's Jeff. Peter Costello confirmed this morning that the party's constitution allowed Kennett to take the leadership without first gaining a seat in Parliament. Or he could nominate for Doyle's now vacant seat of Malvern.

The pros and cons of Kennett taking over are outlined in my piece for New Matilda way back on February 22 when I broke the news that of the concerted moves behind the scenes to install him as Liberal Leader by midyear. You can check it out HERE.

Kennett was in a meeting of AFL presidents this morning in his capacity as Hawthorn president, and not commenting.

Costello gave a hillarious interview with 3AW's Neil Mitchell this morning where he managed to deny influencing events in the State party – the party the Federal Treasurer controls with his mate Michael Kroger.

Oh no, said Costello, "I've been stuck in the Treasury preparing next week's Budget." That hasn't stopped Kroger pulling the levers behind the scenes – and even plotting publicly over coffee this week with deputy leader Louise Asher.

Monday's party room meeting will vote on the leadership. Whether Kennett makes a spectacular comeback will depend, among other factors, on the base fears of the rump of Liberal MPs.

If enough of them see doom for their seat on November 26, the whisper for Jeff may – just may – become a roar.

Rates up - 17 of 21 economists wrong

2006-05-02T17:27:00.000-07:00

The RBA has this morning announced that interest rates are rising .25% to 5.75% - up for the first time since last March.

So there go the goodies in next week's Costello Budget Mk XI. What Costello gives with one hand, the RBA takes out via higher interest with the other. The decision is a sign of a bank that doesn't want to be raising rates after the Budget - and risk provoking a backlash against the Treasurer's next platform to lever himself into the Lodge.

Not only has the bank pre-emptively melted away those anticipated Budget giveaways, they've also snubbed most of the economists lobbying for a continued pause in rates. Bloomberg surveyed 21 economists yesterday - and only four picked the rise.

The mess within Defence

2006-05-02T15:37:00.000-07:00

By Sasha Uzunov,
warrior journalist

Former soldier and freelance journalist Sasha Uzunov has broken major defence stories in recent years. Today, he unveils and analyses the "civil war" racking the Defence Department. Urgent action is needed - and the first head to roll should be Brendan Nelson. Read on:

THE controversy surrounding the cause of death of Private Jake Kovco in Iraq and the subsequent mix up with his coffin is an outrage - a bloody outrage. As a journalist and ex-serviceman who served in East Timor the time has come for me to tell it as is, no holding back.

The Kovco family and the Australian people need to know the truth about the stinking mess within the Defence Department.

The time has come for some tough talking and for heads to roll. The Prime Minister, John Howard, needs to demonstrate once and for all he takes defence issues seriously.

He needs to bring in Mal Brough as Defence Minister immediately. No pussyfooting around this time! Brough is an ex-Army Officer and knows his stuff.

It is time for the amateurs and “desk warriors” to go. I would urge Prime Minister Howard to hire experts like David Horner and Clive Williams, ANU academics who both have combat experience in the Vietnam War.

The mess in which Defence finds itself can be traced back to the 1990s when the Hawke-Keating Labor governments started sending troops on various missions in an attempt to act tough on the world stage after Australia had for a long time retreated since the Vietnam pull-out in 1972.

The rise of the "desk warrior", that is a defence expert without any hands on military experience, is the root cause of the problem.

Desk warriors could not wait to send Australian troops into Rwanda in Africa in 1994 in order to score international brownie points. The mission was a disaster because our troops were undermanned and had crazy rules of engagement, which didn’t allow them to stop the inter-ethnic massacre of rival Hutu-Tutsi tribes.

The ALP government sent Australians sailors to the first Iraq War in 1990-91, of which some ended up suffering from Gulf War syndrome. A civil war - that is those in civilian clothing versus those in uniform - within defence has erupted. This war has been going to this day with disastrous results.

The Kovco scandal is a symptom of the "civil war" raging within the department between desk warriors and those in uniform. There is a disconnect, as each side tries to out-do each other.

This is best demonstrated by Defence Minister Brendan Nelson's performance after Kovco's depth: he has been out of his depth, and showed this clearly with his initial blunder - wrongly explaining Kovco's death.

I was the first Australian journalist to raise the issue that many of our leading media commentators and defence experts do not volunteer for military service, and that this would eventually lead to disaster. The Kovco fiasco means the chickens have now come to roost, sadly.

The irony and hypocrisy is that those very same "respected defence writers" without military service who took umbrage at my scrutiny have now been ringing me wanting background information.

I once asked a "desk warrior" in an email a few years ago why he never served in the military. "If those in uniform can get involved in management civilian roles in weapons acquisitions for the Defence Department, then why not civilians as defence experts," he said.

That to me sounds like tit for tat, rather than civilians working harmoniously hand in hand with those in uniform for the benefit of the nation. It goes to the heart of the problem.

The Kovco family and the Australian people should be putting the heat on the current government - but they should also be asking questions of the Desk Warriors. But don't hold your breath waiting for out media to ask such questions, as it would raise too many embarrassing questions about the so-called highly paid experts.

The Kovco scandal has even reached the Balkans, as Kovco's father, is an ethnic Croat from the Western Bosnian town of Tomislavgrad, according to Sydney based freelance journalist Branko Miletic.

Hugo says: Unlike the Desk Warriors, Sasha Uzunov served two tours in East Timor with the Australian Army, using his experience to report from the Balkans and Iraq. His views are not colored by ideology or political expedience - but by an understanding of what it takes to maintain an effective defence force. Check out his website

Slush funds in paradise

2006-04-28T21:36:00.000-07:00

What Fairfax correspondent Craig Skehan doesn't know about the South Pacific isn't worth writing on a postcard home while sipping a mango daquiri overlooking Bora Bora lagoon. His reporting on the Solomons crisis has been first rate.

Today’s story – written with Russell Skelton – on the Taiwan-funded political slush fund that’s been fuelling corruption, and ultimately conflict, in the islands.

If you haven’t already, read it here and here. Or get out of the house and buy the paper!

Burying the news

2006-04-27T23:03:00.000-07:00

Paranoia Corner: The circumstances of the death and whereabouts of Australia's first military victim of the Iraq War just get more bizarre. Apparently, Private Jake Kovko's body is in transit home once more, while the body of the fellow mistakenly flown to Australia in his place is going back to Bosnia.

And apparently, he didn't kill himself accidentally while cleaning his weapon, the clear impression befuddled Defence Minister Brendan Nelson gave in his Saturday press conference.

All this begs the highly – H-I-G-H-L-Y – cynical question from one Press Gallery operative: What if a certain body was lost on purpose to push out any headlines lingering from yesterday on Medibank/health reform/national ID card?

Now that would REALLY be burying the news.

The Solomons - gunpowder, treason & the plot

2006-04-26T18:31:00.000-07:00

As our Honiara insider, Lukim Iu, predicted here on Friday, Snyder Rini is gone. The Solomon Islands PM stepped down yesterday rather than face defeat on the floor of Parliament. So what next for the Solomons?

Our man in the Solomons, Lukim Iu, continues the story:

Yesterday's events seem to have removed RAMSI from a rather sharp hook - Snyder Rini's resignation and some spectacular allegations in court put its activities into some perspective.

RAMSI had been attracting some flak over the past week for apparently supporting an unpopular government, that of Rini. Its argument is that it was simply supporting the democratic process, not Rini specifically.

The situation has now changed dramatically. Solomon Islanders had been hoping for a real change in government, after suffering from years of official corruption and incompetence. But they took the view that the old guard had, effectively, stolen the election by electing Rini as PM. He is a close associate of the previous PM Kemakeza.

People felt cheated, and that's what the riots were all about.

The torching of Chinatown was something different. It was well planned and carried out very efficiently.

In yesterday's court proceedings it was alleged by the prosecution that another MP, Nelson Ne'e, not only urged rioters to blow up the SI parliament - "dynamite hem parliament" - but threatened to "chop the throats" of five Malaitan politicians if they didn't vote the right way.

Meanwhile another MP, Charles Dausebea, who is also seeking bail, is said to have driven slowly through Chinatown in his green Mitsubishi calling out "go ahead, go ahead, go ahead," to the looters. Both are to find out today if their applications for bail will succeed.

The looting was a disgraceful free-for-all. We had a box seat view of the torching of Chinatown last Tuesday night and saw some of the subsequent looting, which is commonly known here as "shopping." One man I saw had a flat-bed trolley loaded high with his selections.

However, only a relatively small number of people were involved. The full story on these plotters and criminals has still to come out.

The truth, as Ernest said,is never plain and rarely simple. There are deep undercurrents in all of this, and they are just starting to emerge.

Hugo says: Another incisive analysis from our man in Honiara. Two handy resources for keeping up to date with the unfolding SI news are Radio Australia and the local newspaper, The Solomon Star, a publication which seems to have come of age during the crisis, providing timely and relevant coverage.

Inside Indonesia's secret terror campaign

2006-04-21T19:20:00.000-07:00

Death in the shadow of Indonesia: A skull lies in the East Timor jungle at Passabe in this photo by Sasha Uzunov - to its left is a black military-styled belt worn by militia equipped by Indonesia's TNI.

Melbourne journalist Sasha Uzunov is a rare beast; a foreign correspondent with real life military experience - a military and strategic analyst worth listening to. Today, he gives The Hugog an insight on the power play between Australia and Indonesia over West Papua:

The Australian government made the right call in granting political asylum this month to the 42 Papua refugees who fled their Indonesian occupied homeland. Passions are running high in Jakarta; but we should not give in to pressure. We stood firm over East Timor in 1999 and we should do this again.

But the government is wrong in not supporting the right for West Papua's bid for full independence. It would actually be in Australia's long-term strategic interest for smaller friendly states to act as a buffer against the Indonesian military - which has been waging a vendetta against Australia since 1999 because of Timor.

Only now the TNI's tactics have changed. The Indonesian military is giving support to the terrorist group Jemaah Islamiah.

Just how many Indonesians agree with their government, or for that matter accept their military's brutal behaviour? If we want a real relationship with Indonesia it should not be based on fear but mutual understanding.

But first, some necessary background: an Indonesian Military Policeman warned me seven years ago that some of his military colleagues would seek revenge against Australia for our involvement in liberating East Timor.

Australia led the INTERFET mission in East Timor when that territory voted in a referendum in August 1999 to break away from Indonesia. There was widespread violence as pro-Indonesian militia when on the rampage. Britain and the US also contributed troops to the INTERFET mission.

I met Sergeant Herman, as he wanted to be called, on the East Timor-Indonesian West Timor border, at a place called Motaain on 22 November 1999. I was there with the Australian Defence Force's Media Support Unit (MSU), which was covering a conference between Interfet Commander, Australian General Peter Cosgrove, and his Indonesian counterpart, General Adam Damiri.

While the brass exchanged pleasantries, the rest of us were fraternising with the "Enemy". Sergeant Herman told me he was a Christian from one of the smaller islands of Indonesia and was upset with the Javanese, the Muslim majority who run the country.

Captured Militia weapon: a Soviet designed, Chinese made SKS rifle supplied by the Indonesian forces to the militia. We nicknamed this weapon "lucky" - it has a bullet hole embedded in it.

"When war over in Timor Timur (East Timor), Jakarta will fight secret war using dirty tricks," he said. "There will be bombs, killings, explosion. Tourists will be killed. Buildings, hotels, embassies and churches blown up. No one safe!"

Standing five metres away was SBS TV's correspondent, Heather Paterson. I wanted to tell her about the sensational conversation I had but because I was a serving member in unform I was forbidden to reveal anything to the media. How I regret it. InsteaD, we discussed sleazy Indonesian Generals making sexual advances to female western reporters.

I reported my conversation with Indonesian Army Sergeant to my superior - but we both ended up laughing as we thought the Indonesian MP was trying to soften me up and gain some information out of me.

Comrades in arms: then Australian soldier Sasha Uzunov (left) with Indonesian Sergeant "Herman"...

In hindsight, Sergeant Herman's words are chilling: the bombings in Bali, the Marriott Hotel, and the Australian embassy in 2004 and Bali a second time.

In early October 1999, Townsville-based infantry battalion, 2RAR, was involved in the biggest shootout since Vietnam when they reached the border village of Motaain, near Batugade. Three members of the Indonesian security forces were killed in the contact. It was later revealed the Indonesians had opened fire first.

I arrived in Dili, the capital of East Timor, in late October 1999. I ended up with the MSU by pure luck. I was a journalist in civilian life and when i joined the Australian Army I was allocated to the infantry corps. Somehow I managed to be sent to the Defence Public Affairs Organisation for a few months in Canberra before East Timor erupted.

The main group of MSU was based at the Hotel Tourismo. I was with a sub-section known as CPIC (Combined Public Information Centre) as a clerk, PR assistant, driver, and provided the occasional escort to a senior British Army Officer who travelled the length and breadth of East Timor collecting humanitarian data. He would take me along as his protection because he didn't want to carry a weapon. He needed it. Once, we almost were fired upon by friendly Fretilin independence fighters at a roadblock.

One of my main tasks was to record General Cosgrove's media conferences, transcribe them and them email them back to HQ in Canberra. I aslo had to organise flights in and out of the conflict zone for brave journalists caught in the line of fire - like when Channel Nine reporter Simon Bouda came down with malaria and had to be treated at the military hospital in Dili.

In Dili, CPIC shared its compound with US Special forces troops, known as Green Berets. Every time the media arrived on our doorstep, the Green Berets would rip off their Velcro unit shoulder badges, and pose as army engineers. Only female Australian journalist Sian Powell was suspicious and savvy enough to think something was going on.

I formed a friendship with one of the Green Berets, Sergeant First Class Glen Cohen. He told me that he and his colleagues were not allowed by Washington to leave the confines of Dili because if they were caught in a battle with Indonesian Special Forces (Kopassus) it would create an international incident.

"This is supposed to be a gunfight between you Aussies and the militia, we're only here officially to help distribute humanitarian aid," he often joked.

Just after Christmas 1999, I escorted Australian freelance photographer Mathew Sleeth to the Oecussi enclave, that little part of East Timor inside West Timor. Sleeth wanted to take some photos of a mass gravesite. We jumped on a patrol with soldiers from 3RAR, the Army's Sydney-based Parachute battalion.

At the village of Passabe, which was only a few metres away from the Indonesian border, we visited the mass grave of 52 Timorese who had been slaughtered by the militia and then buried in shallow graves. When the rains had come, they had exposed bones and bits of clothing.

I remember muttering to myself that I saw a black military-styled belt next to a skull. A 3RAR officer who was close by heard me and came over and told me that it meant nothing; that I should forget what I saw. He seemed nervous at my comments

At the time I found his comment extraordinary. Why would an officer care what I saw? Later, I heard 3RAR's Intelligence Officer, Captain Andrew Plunkett, claim he had been pressured to
underestimate the number of Timorese massacred and downplay the Indonesian Army's involvement.

My first tour finished in January 2000 and I returned to my original unit, 4RAR, which was preparing for its first and my second tour in April 2001, this time as an infantry rifleman.

During pre-deployment training we were openly told that the militia had become active again in the lead up to East Timor's elections in August 2001. We were told that Kopassus troops had masqueraded as militia and had links to the terror group, Jemiaah Islamiah.

I left the Australian Army in April 2002 and returned to journalism. I came forward in August of that same year with my story but no one in the Australian media was interested.

Hugo says: Sasha Uzunov is a freelance journalist who has reported from the Balkans and Iraq for newspapers in the UK and North America and, as you've just read, is a former Australian soldier who served in East Timor. His is the kind of credible, first hand view Australia's policymakers should be heeding. Instead, sadly - and to our detriment - we listen to the myths peddled by civilian desk-soldiers like Paul "Among the Barbarians" Sheehan.

Check out Sasha's website here.

Trouble in Paradise - the Solomons stitch-up

2006-04-20T18:12:00.000-07:00

Now that Australia's RAMSI forces - under the direction of our Foreign Minister Alexander Downer - have begun arresting Opposition politicians in the Solomon Islands to buffer the nascent regime of colorful new Prime Minister Snyder Rini, it's worth asking: what's this all about, and why can't we do this in Australia?

Our man in Honiara, Lukim Iu, explains:

The troubles here are a direct, though indecental, response to steps some senior members of the Chinese business community took to influence the outcome of last week's election. The most public of these were the "vote boats" - chartering boats, for "free trips" back to the provinces, on the understanding that you will vote the "right way" when you get there.

There is no absentee voting here. You either go home to vote, or get yourself enrolled where you are actually living.

Taiwanese money was also involved. Taiwan's biggest critic, Joses Tuhanuku, was defeated by a former SI ambassador to Taiwan. A "free boat ride" back to his electorate, in the outlying islands of Rennell Bellona, helped achieve that result, too. Joses, incidentally is the husband of Walkley award-winning journalist, Mary Louise O'Callaghan.

Incidentally, one of the "vote boats" travelling to the Western Province, apparently sank. (No casualties outside the truth).

There was a weekend rumour that Rini would resign then be spirited out of the Solomons by the Australian military for his own safety. Idi Amin's departure from Uganda was handled in that way.

That didn't happen. Rini was sworn in, secretly, as PM instead.

But he won't last. Former PM Billy Hilly has already lodged a no-confidence motion, which is likely to be dealt with next month. RIni would not survive that. Even the present lot of none-too-bright MPs now realize that Rini is on the nose with the public.

Rini, incidentally, once said that RAMSI was welcome to stay in SI, but not to look at the SI Government's account books. He has changed his tune now, of course. But wonder why he said that?

Hugo says: So ther you have it. Australia has aligned itself with yet another corrupt regime in a "Busted Arse Country". What's extraordinary is that we are participating in a military operation to stifle the parliament, under rather thin pretence. Did anyone mention Kristalnacht?

Downer's dopey defence

2006-04-11T22:03:00.000-07:00

So Alexander Downer's too busy to do his job! It's a bolder take than Mark Vaille's pathetic cry that he was snowed under in his job as Deputy PM and Trade Minister and didn't have time to check on AWB bribes - but as an excuse before the Cole Commission into the wheat for weapons scandal, it's a ripper.

The Herald-Sun's Gerard McManus captures the extraordinary Downer evidence today. Sloppy and negligent is probably the best that can be said for Downer, and Peter Hartcher says so in today's SMH.

So what do we make of a Foreign Minister who only reads diplomatic cables when he is "stuck on a plane" and has nothing better to read? Sadly, Downer's evidence is characteristic of the man. In fact, it's fair to say the lazy minister will do just about anything to avoid the responsibilities that come with his high office.

We are reliably informed that when travelling, Downer prefers playing with his Gameboy to taking advice from his diplomats. DFAT officials tell of times the minister has waved them away in airplanes with the imperious order: "Not now, I'm nearing top score on Super Mario Brothers!"

Downer is a smart bloke who jumped into the commission's witness box yesterday with a twinkle in his eye. But if he thought he could joke his way through the questioning he was wrong.

Just how does his admission yesterday that he didn't read any of the 21 cables containing warnings about AWB square with this Downer declaration to Parliament in February?

Asked in Parliament on February 28 about his knowledge of the cables, Downer said: "Of course, I would have read them. I was perfectly satisfied with the response of the department to these inquiries." Downer is really his own worst enemy - but Michelle Grattan definitively states in today's Age that "the scandal will not bring down a minister..."

It's a judgement based on Howard's determination not to lose a minister to scandal under almost any cicumstance - and Michelle jumps the gun a little too early, without even awaiting Commissioner Cole's report.

Sunday Showdown in the Square

2006-04-09T17:10:00.000-07:00

The feisty crew who set up an Aboriginal tent embassy in the King's Domain have been getting up all the right noses; the likes of 3AW shock jock Neil Mitchell and his mate at Kirribilli have been outraged at the latest upstart Koori activism.

And Friday's visit by Lord Mayor John So and state Aboriginal Affairs Minister Gavin Jennings seems to have further fired up the activists. So and Jennings gave them a 4pm deadline today to leave their camp, established during the Commonwealth Games to highlight the ongoing sore of Aboriginal disposession.

So how did the group of "law-breaking Aborigines" respond to this arbitrary ultimatum? Undeterred, they decided to expand their protest.

They gatecrashed a Thai new year festival held at Federation Square, a few hundred metres up the road. Three activists, one performing the traditional smoke ceremony, tried to get on stage but were asked by Thai organisers to leave.

After a Fed Square guard was called the Aboriginal group agreed to depart.

The action was captured in these photos by freelance photojournalist Sasha Uzunov

We'll be watching this afternoon to see if the jumpy civic authorities' 4pm ultimatum leads to the kind of conflict that would signal a victory for intolerant types like Mitchell.

Corruption in paradise

2006-04-09T04:42:00.000-07:00

This weekend's elections in the Solomon Islands has eroded the powerbase of Prime Minister Sir Allan Kemakeza. With counting continuing, it's unclear whether his People's Alliance Party will cling to power - but our correspondent, Lukim Iu, reports from Honiara that a change of government is just the first step to stopping the rot that's eroding the islands.

Check out his entertaining, and ominous, report on corruption in paradise:

Several times, in the early days of the civil strife, Solomon Islands police raided Charles Dausabea's property near Henderson airfield, outside Honiara, looking for stolen weapons.

Dausabea, who was opposition whip then, was to become a prominent member of the Malaitan Eagle Force, one of the main militias in the five year civil war, which ended in 2003.

That war is now commonly called the ethnic tensions.

At its height, in 2000, the year of the coup, which displaced the government of Prime Minister Bartholomew Ulufa'alu, there was a gun battle outside Dausabea's property, between the MEF and the Guadalcanal Revolutionary Army.

That battle, like the police raids before it, was inspired by reports of large caches of stolen weapons, Dausabea was said to keep there.

Six years later, in the first elections since the Australian led intervention, which restored peace in the Solomons, Dausabea won back the seat in parliament, that he lost in 2001.

Another MEF dignitary, for want of a better word, the prominent Honiara lawyer, scoundrel and thug, Andrew Nori, also stood for parliament in the April 2006 elections.

At the time of writing, the result in the seat he contested, had not been declared.

But the Prime Minister, Sir Allan Kemakeza, was re-elected, even though police admitted, on the eve of the elections, that they are investigating reports that aid money, worth $US5 million, has not been seen since it entered Sir Allan's office.

Voters in Sir Allan's well-watered electorate, which takes in the Savo and Russell Islands, also disregarded another disturbing report.

That said Sir Allan still runs a secret political slush fund, bankrolled by Taiwan, which, is more commonly known as the Republic of China in Solomon Islands.

What's in a name, after all - if accepting it gets you a hospital, two fire trucks, police motorcycles and all the know-how your country will ever need, to grow its own rice.

A new report, published by the Centre for Independent Studies in Australia, found that the millions of dollars neighbouring Vanuatu has received in aid, over the past two decades, hasn't raised the living standards of that island nation's poor, at all.

Instead, it says, the money has largely been appropriated by Vanuatu's ruling elite, including that island nation's bloated, and sadly misnamed, public service.

By now, I guess, you are starting to see how these things can happen.

Vanuatu's elite is certainly not alone.

One Solomon Islands politician, though, has been vigorously fighting the political corruption he says comes with Taiwan's aid.

This, of course, is Joses Tuhanuku, the sole Labor party MP in the 50 member SI parliament.

Until, that is, the April 2006 election.

Joses campaigned hard against the secret slush fund he says Kemakeza administers, with Taiwan standing in the background, writing cheques.

He was beaten by a man named Seth Gukuna, a former Solomon Islands ambassador to, guess where?

That's right.

Taiwan.

Your knowledge of Pacific Island politics is truly remarkable.

Tuhanuku, incidentally, is the husband of two time Walkley Award winning journalist, Mary-Louise O'Callaghan.

As you know, the party system in Solomon Islands is very weak.

Although the counting is still far from complete, the balance of power in the new parliament, will almost certainly be held by independents.

Before the end of the month, a special sitting of the new parliament will be held, to choose a new Prime Minister for the next four years.

Over the past few months, an enthusiastic band of idealistic young Solomon Islanders has been campaigning hard for a clean election, under the banner of the The Winds of Change organisation.

They took out advertisements in the Solomon Star, inviting their fellow citizens to sign pledges, declaring, effectively, that they would not sell their votes to the highest bidder. Thousands did.

But new plastic water tanks started mysteriously appearing throughout the electorate of one senior minister, who is notorious for marrying a series of his house-girls.

Most analysts are cautious about predicting who will be Solomon Islands Prime Minister, at the end of this month.

I'm not.

I'd be prepared to bet, even at this stage, that it will be the incumbent, Sir Allan Kemakeza.

You will, by now, have guessed why.

He has the biggest slush fund at his command.

No-one else comes close.

He also has a very good reason to fight hard for his job.

As Prime Minister, he may well be untouchable.

Effectively, above the law.

Even if he stole millions, effectively depriving thousands of Solomon Islands children of both decent educations and effective health care.

If Kemakeza loses the top job, though, he might well find himself in Rove prison, with Harold Keke, Ronnie Cawa and Francis Lela for neighbours.

And those old Weathercoast warlords still have a few scores to settle with Sir Allan.

42 protection visas – or 42,000?

2006-04-05T23:14:00.000-07:00

As Australian-Indonesian relations tremble under the weight of those 42 refugees from West Papua, it's worth putting this latest brouhaha with our tetchy neighbors to the north in some perspective. And the latest edition of The Monthly landed in my box today with a nice dose of balance.

Human rights lawyer Mark Aarons' article, Truth, Death & Diplomacy in East Timor, reminds us just how entrenched are the forces of disinformation.

He reminds us that in March, Australia's Ambassador to the US, former ASIO boss Dennis Richardson, gave a speech attacking those calling for a proper act of self-determination for West Papua. "Papua is part of the sovereign territory of Indonesia, and always has been. As far as Australia is concerned, Papua is an integral part of Indonesia," he declared.

So Indonesia has always had sovereignty over West Papua, right?

Wrong. West Papua had not been part of Indonesia at all for the 20 years after it came into existence in 1949. It was only integrated into Indonesia as part of a sham vote in 1969. Writes Aarons: "The US believed that 90% of West Papuans were against integration, yet the international community, including Australia, not only accepted this sham act of self-determination, but has ever since turned a blind eye to the history of Indonesian mass killings, torture and arbitrary detentions in the territory."

His conclusion: "We should not fear separatist tendencies in the archipelago any more than Europe needed to fear the break-up of the Russian-dominated Soviet Union". Just as the Russian-dominated Soviet Union collapsed into constituent states when the authoritarian stranglehold was released, so will the Javanese-dominated Indonesia.

The inevitable shifting sands of the Indonesia archipelago is a dissolution that will cause significant indegestion in our region – but isn't it time we stopped massaging the truth to justify holding together an artificial conglomerate?

Sure, there will be fallout that will make the 42 West Papuans in their boat look like a picnic party. Although not nearly the 42,000 predicted on Lateline last night by Dewi Fortuna Anwar, a former advisor to Indonesia preisdent BJ Habibie. That has got politicians on both sides of the ocean very scared. And, as usual, Kevin Rudd is more scared than most, claiming excitedly: "There's a grave danger that we begin to see the Australian-Indonesian relationship spiral out of control."

But building a strong relationship with our neighbors depends on honesty on both sides, not just jumping to attention at the hint of a new crisis. While Indonesian politicians are whipping up a local frenzy comparing West Papua to East Timor, don't forget it was Indonesia that invited Australian troops in to Dili back in 1999.

West Papua and Aceh are two examples of a people who yearn for the kind of freedom that took East Timor 30 years and hundreds of thousands of lives to achieve. Re-writing history and trying to bury the problem did nothing for the Indonesian-Australia relationship back then.

We should encourage an increasingly open and democratic Indonesia. But a repeat of that kind of political appeasement can do nothing but delay the inevitability of history. And history will judge us just as harshly as it judged successive Australian governments who collaborated with Soeharto.

The prophecy of Mark Steyn

2006-04-03T00:25:00.000-07:00

If there's one consolation to fighting off a Melbourne autumn storm to visit the doctor, it's the magazines in the waiting room. And tonight, Dr Ellen has some beauties. Try the Spectator 27 December 2003: Christmas has come twice for Mark Steyn whose cover story is about the latest triumph on the War on Terror – the capture of Saddam from his foxhole.

Here is hastily-scribbled five minute compendium of the Steyn stream-of-conscious:

The Insurgency
"...another six weeks of insurgency sounds about right, after which it will peter out, despite the urgings of Tariq Ali, George Galloway and other armchair insurgents."

Trickle-down destabilization
"It may be that the Iraq war has done more to free Zimbabwe of its thug ruler than all the Commonwealth resolutions put together. Imagine that! Look for a lot more trickle-down from Iraq the year ahead, in Syria, Iran, Saudi Arabia and beyond."

Yep, the brilliant success of the Iraq invasion secured the overthrow of Robert Mugabe in 2004, democratic reforms in Syria and Saudi Arabia, plus a less belligerent attitude from Iran. Must have slept through those developments.

He did get some things right:
Osama bin Laden
"He will continue to be dead throughout 2004."

The Democratic party
"The only real question next November is how badly the Dems will do."

OK. So Nostradamus he aint. And Steyn should be read chiefly for his comic value, we knew that. It's just as well to remember that his best jokes are the unintended ones.

So long & thanks for all the fish

2006-03-26T16:09:00.000-08:00

To the acclaim of a boisterous MCG crowd, Dame Edna Everage and the Dalai Lama officially closed Melbourne's Commonwealth Games last night in a gala ceremony.

The growing cult of His Holiness – Melbourne's first popularly elected Lord Mayor – confounds observers, particularly Steve Bracks, the once-popular Premier who shared the stage with him last night. Bracks had no choice but to give his salesman’s smile as the crowd went berko every time the Lord Mayor’s name was mentioned in an otherwise deathly-dull official ceremony.

The public's canonisation of the Lord Mayor is a very Melbourne thing. Citizens have warmed to his image as an earnest, likeable non-politician who mangles the language and goes out of his way not to make tough decisions that might upset anyone. He's the daggy ethnic do-gooder who can laugh at himself, a threat to no one and a walking billboard for Multicultural Melbourne.

So when Peter Costello rails against "mushy misguided multiculturalism" he's clearly not speaking to his hometown constituency, but trying to stir up the redneck vote in more troubled and less civilised regional centres, like Sydney. A point made eloquently in Saturday's Australian by George Megalogenis when he wrote that "Sydney and its cranky cousin" Brisbane could learn much from Melbourne's CommGames. George's piece is, sadly, not online.

For Bracks, the Cult of So must be bemusing. But he has benefited from the So show. "It's So's weakness that makes the State Government his greatest ally," Terry Maher and I wrote for Crikey18 months ago. "Bracks loves So because those who can understand him realise he does what he's told by his Spring Street masters." And that hasn't changed.

My assessment of the Lord Mayor back then now looks a little narky. Terry and I criticised his communication skills, but the Lord Mayor has turned this into a positive. He's now the cuddly, lovable emblem of the City – replacing the official native Games mascot, Karak the South-eastern Red-tailed Black Cockatoo (remember him?)

So has employed a very expensive PR team to manage his image – but his public image reflects the private persona. The Lord Mayor is a humble man, and his personal touch has made him the city’s most popular and, soon-to-be, longest-serving civic leader.

But it's as well to remember what got him there: money and ambition.

Relax with Max

2006-03-26T03:51:00.000-08:00

Max is two-and-a-half and he can sign as well as he can speak. It wouldn't be an insult to his folks to reveal that he was the highlight of last week's dinner party with Katherine and Damian.

Max and me go in-depth...

Damian and the Blogger get cosy...

Bek and Coco submit to Max's charm...

Let's go surfing...

Max finishes off Bek's excellent steak on mum's lap...

Mmmm. Makes a first rate cubby house. Do you think purple looks good on me?

The missing mob mogul: a Haiku tribute

2006-03-24T22:19:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, Tony Mokbel's defence team gracefully withdrew from his trial. Since their man had disappeared there didn't seem much point defending him. Especially since top lawyers are expensive, and the wealthy and colourful Melbourne businessman seems out of reach.

So where to send their legal bills? Melbourne's Crypto-criminal correspondents, the Kooka Bros, suggest some possibilities in this sensitive Haiku tribute to a missing mogul of the mob:

Misty Autumn morn
Mokbel, Tony - gone. Ankles
shackled, like fish bait.

Middle Eastern in
appearance; Ms Garde-Wilson
devours Fat Tony.

Is he in Beka'a's
Valley or feeding fish off
the great ocean road?

Carlton Crew relax;
Mokbel's cojones feed fish.
It's tasty revenge.

Sunshine scum upbeat;
he's Dubai-bound in burqua
Duty-free-dom bound

We wish his legal team good luck tracking down their client, and invite readers to send in their own Haiku version of Tony's fate. There will be acclaim - and prizes* - for your best entries.

(*Prizes may be second hand, or entirely useless. If not satisfied with prizes, no correspondence will be entered into)

WANTED: More gold

2006-03-23T21:49:00.000-08:00

Victoria police this morning issued photographs of this man, expat South African John Steffensen, who has gone missing after storming to victory and gold for his new home, Australia, in the 400m last night.

Steffensen is believed to be seeking permission to emigrate to Sierra Leone, to replace the eleven members of their CommGames team who went AWOL in Melbourne this week.

"Sure, Gold for Australia is great - and having an annual $30 million training budget helps," Steffersen told friends after his win last night. "But frankly, now we've won 73 gold medals my win kinda gets lost in the mix. I'd rather bring home to Gold for Sierra Leone; and I think eleven of theirs for one of ours sounds about right on the current athlete export market..."

Now that we are 100 medals ahead of the second best nation in the Commonwealth, England, maybe it's time to ask: are we putting enough resources into finding suitable athletic immigrants to stock our all-powerful sporting teams?

It does seem odd that – despite a $1.1 billion CommGames budget – there is no official program to encourage athletes to jump the fence and join the Green & Gold Army decimating the rest of the Commonwealth here in Melbourne. If it's not official Government policy, it should be.

And there is an opening here for a keen Opposition. Instead of whingeing about policies that put asylum seekers behind barbed wire in the desert and Pacific islands, Labor should be taking the program one step further.

Athletic refugees could be identified early in the screening process. For instance, those who are able to escape from Christmas Island detention facility and swim to the mainland should be accepted as members of the AIS triathalon training squad. Those who can't clearly don't have what it takes to join us in this wide, brown, athletic land.

Charles Richardson, Jesus Christ & Peg Putt

2006-03-22T16:19:00.000-08:00

It’s farewell Charles Richardson! A lively crew gathered last night at the Rose to send off Fitzroy’s favourite philosopher-in-residence, who’s heading to Europe on Friday for ten weeks to – among other important things - cover European elections for Crikey. We wish him well and hope he snares an interview with our favourite PM/Media Mogul,
Silvio Berlusconi.

Berlusconi just can’t help getting himself into
trouble – be it corruption, affairs of the heart, or just plain foot-in-mouth disease. But he’s always been able to charm his way out of it. With polls reporting Berlusconi’s ‘Fortza Silvio’ Party trailing Opposition leader Romano Prodi, the PM simply commissioned his own poll, which found – surprise surprise! – Berlusconi had jumped to the lead.

In the spirit of this campaign, which has been ingeniously extended to take in the
New Roman Empire- Berlusconi has distinguished himself by comparing himself to Napoleon and Jesus Christ, obviously still big vote-pullers in
Italia.

Our favourite Berlusconi image is of the Italian stallion jumping aboard his yacht with glamourous screen star wife Veronica Lario and kids for a lengthy summer holiday some years ago, being chased down the dock by a British TV crew shouting: “Signor Berlusconi, how can you afford to leave your country in crisis and go away for a two week cruise?” To which the suntanned PM, looking around him with a shrug replied: “But my dear fellow – how could I not!”
We look forward to seeing Charles interviewing Signor Jesus Christ aboard his yacht on the Mediterranean soon.

Meantime, to find out my take on Super Saturday’s state elections, check out the latest edition of New Matilda. Is the Tasmanian debacle the end of the Greens? Was Peg Putt’s ballistic election night conspiracy speech ghost written by Dan Brown? Find out more here.

Higher, faster, greedier

2006-03-20T20:37:00.000-08:00

Mbula mbula - and pass the kava! Despite what you may see in the meeja, the Commonwealth Games is not just about Aussie athletes crushing poor third-world nations into the dust in the field of competition; it's also about culture. And on Monday night the Fijians took the stage at Federation Square to teach us some of theirs.

While the event was advertised as free dancing lessons, only a select few were invited on stage to sway along with the grass skirted blokes to the music of Black Rose.

We particularly enjoyed the enthusiastic dancing of a group of expats who had maybe indulged in a little kava - it's a great tradition! - to warm themselves up on an early Melbourne autumn evening.

These Games are turning, unsurprisingly, into a triumphal parade for the home team. The gold standard is "Gold, Gold, Gold", so much so that the men's swimmers are copping heat from the press for "underperforming" - all those Silver medals are just not good enough. So spare a thought for our favourite sports correspondent, Stephen Phiri, from Lusaka's Daily Mail. The Zambian reporter was interviewed in Sunday's Age putting some perspective on events.

Asked his impressions of Melbourne, he replied: "It is not busy and it is peaceful. I went for a beautiful walk and no-one attacked me, unlike in Lusaka".

The Federal Government is spending $50 million on the opening and closing ceremonies alone - and that's even with volunteers doing much of the work. The Games in total will cost over $1 billion. The organising committee has assuaged its conscience by donating the grand sum of $10,000 to aid programs in Commonwealth countries.

But one of the smarter things organisers have done is allocate each team a local council to make them feel at home. Sierra Leone arrived without a team uniform and the community in the City of Whitehorse responded with uniforms and equipment. The Sierra Leonians have a team of 22, and a budget of $0. Their star cyclist, Mohammed Sesay, has been working since he was 10 to eke out a living after his father died. And here he is, competing in a donated uniform against Australia's athletes, who get $30 million a year from the taxpayer.

Not exactly a fair competition. Our exporters demand "a level playing field" in the world of trade. In sport, the imperative is Gold - at any cost.

The Comm Games - a place where culture and politics should mix.

It was an informal gatherine among friends at Fed Square. The band plonked themselves down, dragged up a few people from the audience, and started to play.

An enthusiastic crowd!

Pat and Eleri soak up the atmosphere.

Expat Fijians show some white folks how to groove.

The blogger had a lovely time!

Inside the Queen's lunch

2006-03-19T03:57:00.000-08:00

The Hugog's celeb watcher, Cyril De Metre, has an access-all-areas pass to the big events around town. Our man De Metre has just recovered from the Commonwealth Games hospitality circuit to file this report:

COMMONWEALTH GAMES LUNCHEON - The Queen and Prime Minister John Howard, Wednesday 15 March 2006, Royal Exhibition Building, Melbourne.

THE GOSSIP:

KEMP-ALSTON LOVE FEST: Federal sports minister, Senator Rod Kemp, and former Liberal colleague now High Commisioner in London, Richard "tricky dicky" Alston, couldn't keep their hands off each other. It was as though they were long lost brothers. They were heavily engaged in conversation oblivious to their surroundings...What were they talking about? Was Senator Kemp being given a rundown on how to be High Commisioner? Is it possible that Senator Kemp is being groomed to take over Alston's position in London VERY SOON? This would involve, at the very least, a minor Cabinet reshuffle if Kemp is shunted out after his "farewell tour" of the Turin Winter Olympics and CommGames. Watch this space.

HIDE THE TROOPS: John "Little Digger" Howard, loves to celebrate his love for our military heritage. But it came as a surprise when his Department's minders "ordered" the Navy Band, which was upstairs in the Gallery of the old Exhibition Building, to keep a low-profile, and not lean over the railings. Out of mind, out of sight. Hmmm that won't go down too well with our fighting men and women in Iraq and Afghanistan.

HIDE THE PM: It seems the Queen is a lot tougher than our PM. After lunch, Her Maj was brave enough to face noisy protestors as she left the building. Not so our PM. He escorted the Queen out the door and quickly returned and waited till the brouhaha outside died down.

BOLT'S SUPPORT: Herald Sun hitman, Andrew Bolt-action-sniper-rifle, was there to lend moral support. The PM, as he re-entered the building, saw Bolt and grabbed his hand for dear life and shook it like a drowning man. None of the other media rated so much as a lukewarm smile from Howard.

FAINE'S MATES: ABC Radio celebrity Jon Faine gets accused of being a trendy left-winger but he seemed very comfortable in the presence of conservatives Senator Rod Kemp and Richard Alston. All three were cracking jokes and laughing about the protestors outside. But Please John - get rid of those shoes...brown casual loafers don't really match a dark formal suit! I know you're trying to cultivate a Man of the People image. But you're trying too hard, and it doesn't really match the "company" you now keep.
UPDATE: Lawrence Money in The Age reveals that Faine used his loafers to squash "a large and evil-looking black spider" live on air on Monday, saving guest Sue Natrass from a horrible fate. How gallant!

TWO QUEENS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE: The over 1200 guests at this Banquet were amazed to see two "Queens." One was obviously Liz the Second but at the far end, sitting on table 61 was "political drama queen" Andrew Olexander, rebel Liberal State MP. Liberal leader Robert "Popeye" Doyle was placed at the opposite end of the building, away from both "queens."

THE RACE FOR FLEMING: Former Australian champion athlete Jane Fleming is being "chased" by both major political parties to become a Member of Parliament, either at state or federal level. So far, it's neck and neck between the parties for her signature, and political types were snapping at her heels over the canapes.

Cheers, Cyril De Metre.

HUGO SAYS:
A comprehensive report from our man on the spot. Cyril is a well-placed and tenacious newshound who'll provide regular updates from inside the lunches of power.

I don't know Jane Fleming, but in sports-mad Australia an athlete of her calibre would be a scoop for any party. Now she apparently just needs to decide which flavour party suits her politics...Maybe the Libs should cut out the middle man and offer her the Sports Ministry, allowing Rod Kemp to take a plum overseas posting?

Freedom of speech?

2006-03-17T16:12:00.000-08:00

Unlike the U.S. Australia doesn't have a constitutional guarantee of freedom of speech. Some bold liberal High Court Judges have given us an "implied right" but we discovered this week that this is a very slim right indeed.

An internet bureaucrat called Bruce has hauled down a clever website http://www.johnhowardpm.org by celebrated Oz co-founder Richard Neville because it infringed John Howard's intellectual property rights and "To us it looked like phishing". (a pdf version is still available on Richard Neville's website)

This is parody, kids. Phishing is when fraudsters try to steal your credit card details. Does the Prime Minister feel so weak, so vulnerable that he's threatened by a fiesty imagined rewriting of his pro-war rhetoric?

Does anyone else feel the totalitarian jackboot? A culture of political satire is a hallmark of a healthy democracy. Governments that crack down on this kind of political expression do not deserve to operate under the great cloak of democracy. Hitler banned Charlie Chaplin's Great Dictator - although he is reputed to have enjoyed a private screening of his own, demonstrating that at least he may have had a sense of humour.

Surely the Fourth Estate are outraged that in Australia the PM's "intellectual property rights" are deemed more important than free political expression? Wouldn't the media, of all people, see this as a fundamental issue about freedom of speech? The papers must be full of outraged editorials, just as Melbourne's parochial media was fuming at being banned from showing preview footage of this week's Commonwealth Games opening ceremony?

Apparently, bread and circuses rate better than sophisticated political satire, in the department that Slashdot calls "the ah-to-breath-the-free-air-of-australia dept. ". The only news coverage we could find was this matter-of-fact report in the Fairfax press, and this piece in Crikey today that accepts at face value Bureaucrat Bruce's explanation.

Not so in the U.S. - P2Pnet are reporting that Australia has banned spoof websites - but then, since political satire is protected over there, George W hasn't even sent the White House lawyers in to shut down http://www.whitehouse.com.

We particularly like the picture of Condy Rice. Maybe George W does too, but even the neo-cons' assault on democracy can't erase their constitution.

Fireworks

2006-03-15T20:45:00.000-08:00

Let The Games Begin

“And finally, ladeeez and gennelmen please welcome the final team into the arena tonight. The proud hosts of the 18th Commonwealth Games – Ozzztrayyya!”

Craig Willis, the circus spruiker-cum-footy announcer put it all in context, and showed the world what the $30 million fireworks and choreographed midair performers on strings were all about; a mere warm-up act for the main event, our World Class Team of 2600 sportsmen and women, all dressed nattily in their St Trinian’s School head prefect outfits of green with gold trim and braiding.

Have we ever managed to dress our athletes in a vaguely stylish uniform when turning them out on the international stage?

Welcome to the Commonwealth Games opening ceremony! And for those of us unable to cough up the $250+ price of a seat at the MCG, sitting by the banks of the Yarra was as close to the action as we could get.

Don’t know what your highlight was:

Was it the Michael Leunig-inspired saga of ‘A boy and his duck’?

Was it the po-faced look on Her Maj’s face when she rushed to her feet as Dame Kiri’s “Happy Birthday to you” serenade turned into “God Save the Queen”?

Was it the lame parade of footy captains unsteadily carrying the Queen’s Baton along the 72 fish boats lining the Yarra (that's it, above) representing a different fish from each competing country (interesting Fish Fact: Canada’s was an Arctic cod)?

Was it the pas de deux between the airborne principal ballerina and a trail bike rider? Or the flying W-Class tram (gross weight: 8 tonnes)?

Or the comfy, middle of the road feel to the music – I’d wondered what happened to The Church. And the Cat Empire, for that matter. It’s kinda handy for them that they only have one song, and it lasts 90 minutes, the time it took the 5000 athletes and hangers-on to file into the stadium.

I guess their brand of white man’s funk is Ron Walker’s idea of trendy young people’s music. Trendy young people like Eleri and Bek, pictured here enjoying the fireworks.

Or was it Our Delta? She’s been at the Pop Song Generator again http://www.thecoolkids.org/articles/spfeatures/lyricgen.php and came up with a stirring anthem to finish proceedings: ‘Together We Can Fly/ Like The Eagles In The Sky/ Baby We Were Born To Try…’ http://www.heraldsun.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,5478,18467297%5E39875,00.html

Was it the Wurrundjeri elder coming ashore in her bark canoe to hand a boy her globe of knowledge – and locals unfurling their possum skin cloaks for the world? If you’re going to have a token Aboriginal component, it may as well be a good one.

Or was it the delight the circus brought to the faces of Premier Steve Bracks, John Howard (whose government threw in the $50 million cost of the opening and closing ceremonies – thanks taxpayers!), or Ron Walker, who boasted that he’d sold more tickets than the Manchester Games or Athens Olympics?

Tell that to the volunteers in our train home who were disappointed not to get a few complementary tickets to the opening ceremony – despite the thousands of empty seats that stood out like sore thumbs on the TV coverage.

We loved the flying tram, the fireworks, the happy athletes, the firework fish, the flow of the celebration up the Yarra and into the stadium, Ron Barassi walking on water – and the arrival of Eleri’s mum Pat with a delicious hamper of yummy treats just as our stamina was beginning to flag.

Three year old Megan was the target demographic, and prounounced to grandmother Julianne: "I saw all the fireworks in the world, and they were wonderful!"

Now she wants to go on a boat on the river - we salute her and the Commonwealth Games dreams of competitors, our army of volunteers and the billions of spectators throughout The British Empire over the next Ten glorious days.

God save the Queen!

Ed enjoys the show:

Fireworks!

The blogger on the river, showing his true colors:

More fireworks!

Yet more fireworks!

2006-03-14T22:08:00.000-08:00

Wild times in Tassie

In case news travels slowly, there’s an election on; two in fact, with state polls in South Australia and Tasmania. I think the Tassie election’s clearly more interesting because there’s an actual contest involved – despite SA Liberal leader Rob Kerin bravely refusing to jump off the wagon during the campaign, sadly there’s been no boozy antics to brighten up a dull campaign over there.

While down in the Apple Isle all sorts of shenanigans are going on, some of which I’ve analysed in a piece today for gutsy online publication New Matilda. The story's locked away in the members’ section, but feel free to jump on http://www.newmatilda.com and grab a free trial subscription. Then you'll be able to read all about the Mad Hatter's tea party going on in Tassie!

Crikey personals

2006-03-05T19:51:00.000-08:00

Wanted: more groupies
Be warned, gentle female Crikey readers, before you respond to the personal ad Christian Kerr posted yesterday in Crikey.

First, if you respond to his ad, Christian will forever refer to you as "a groupie". Second, if he sends you a photo, it will almost certainly be one where he "had makeup and control over the lighting". It may well also be from before he started growing his all-over curly mullet.

Take note of the picture (Christian is on the left, wearing the suit, entrertaining in-house philosopher Charles Richardson and Crikette Sophie Vorrath) from last year's Crikey Christmas party.

We also have to question the "GSOH" - but I suppose it's all a matter of perspective.

It is a bit sad that the once-fiesty publication is reduced to printing personal ads for its remaining political correspondents...

In case you missed it:

Christian Kerr, Crikey's political correspondent, writes: ... Just by the way I'm 40, 6'2", 85 kilos (need to drop three), childless, unlucky in love, N/S, GSOH, photo available on request…
christian@crikey.com.au